Meditation:
Well, I am tired. My workweek with the two jobs I have now is surpassing 80hrs. Yes, I know, that’s not good for me. The hope is that this is temporary. But alas, we all know how things have gotten economically and I am neither a trust fund baby nor do I have any credentialed skillset. So here we are.
The second job itself is an overnight shift and so I’ve been getting my sleep in two basically nap-sized sections between shifts. I won’t lie to you, it’s been nasty so far. Emotionally, physically. I cannot imagine this long term, but I’ll need to do it as long as I need to do it.
Ultimately, this is about providing for my family and that’s the top priority in my life. So like I’ve said, some other things have dropped off by necessity. I’m going to make a good faith effort still to write journals and stories for Substack, as well as get novels out to you as fast as I can. I haven’t figured out how to work a writing routine into this yet, but I will.
I really want to emphasize that I’m not glamorizing or romanticizing this kind of workweek. It is manifestly not a good thing. But it’s a necessary thing for me, for now. My good friend reminded me of some verses from Hebrews that are relevant:
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
…let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
And look I’m not comparing my current suffering to the Lord’s on Calvary, but the principle of imitating him in scorning the shame of it (for it is shameful to have to work so much just to feed your kids) and setting my mind on the joy later, the light at the end of the tunnel, keeping focused on my God, is the only way to get through with my humanity intact.
As to the former verse, yeah this is painful as hell right now for me. I’m not saying there aren’t people going through much worse. I am trying to keep perspective, but this is probably the most difficult portion of my life so far. The focus needs to be on the “fruit of righteousness” that this training will yield me. It’s certainly going to make me tougher. Something like full-time writing, whenever I’m blessed to have that happen, will seem like a cakewalk, even if I put in 6-7 hours a day at it (which I’d love to do). This situation also forces me to be strong for my family and try to bring cheerfulness and positivity into their lives even when I feel on the cusp of breaking down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about pretending this is super great. It blows, straight up. But the only way to constructively develop character in this mess is to focus on one day at a time (as Jesus himself commands) and see what I can do to follow God’s path and bring love and light to those around me. Certainly, I’m going to falter.
But…
I think if I play my cards right, this has the potential to mold me into someone who is resilient in the extreme, ever more dedicated to my creative work and craft, expert at dealing with hardships, and endowed with a general comportment of overcoming.
And if that’s the result of all this, it is a mighty thing to hope and pray for indeed.
…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…
Update on the 10M Project:
This week as I said has been nuts, so I didn’t have time to organize everyone’s data. I’ll reach out to you paid subs who are wanting to participate to get your progress and promotional links ready for the first update going out on 10/13. I appreciate your patience. I wanna get after this thing, certainly. Let’s get some words down in the meantime. I still have to beat my 10M nemesis, Frank Kidd.
Reading and Writing and Viewing:
Basically nothing. For once with decent reason beyond apathy or mismanagement of time. Report back when I sort all this out.
Ciao:
That’s all for now. I hope there’s something you can use here if you’re under a lot of stress and pressure. The only thing to do is focus on how to transmute that suffering into growth. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
I like your perspective of using this to become a better, more resilient person. It’s so easy - human nature at its finest - to get dragged into complaining, “woe is me!” And forgetting that this could be an opportunity, if you make it one. Best of luck in all this craziness!